Sex on a Plane and Airplane Food

The Overview: We've all thought about it. But do you know of anybody who's actually done it?

The reasons for having sex on a plane are bottomless. Here are three:

• Its a great thrill
• Makes the flight 400 times more dramatic
• It is liberating

There's no drawback. The worst you risk is mild embarrassment which lasts 45 seconds, the story will make everyone who hears it laugh, smile; think dirty.

• It's full of positive utilitarian thrust

Everyone on the plane, let's say 250 people -- will retell the story to at least two people who, half of them retelling the story to another two people - brings the total number of people who hear, smile, think dirty and feel more complete as human beings, now having a direct connection with the epitome of human achievement, sex while flying, all as a direct result of hearing your embarrassing daring to 1,250!

Regarding the particulars of actually having sex in a plane we can comfortably misapply the old adage: location, location, location. If you're traveling with a loved one, book seats in the back of the plane. The advantages being the location's low profile and proximity to the bathroom. Also, in choosing flights schedule yourselves a late night reservation, the planes are less crowed. And don't get caught.

The Resolve: It's a no lose situation - count the risk as social service.

Eating on Airplanes

The Overview: Human beings flying. It's terrific. The world's highest drama is acted out in airplanes.

Plane food is awful. Before you leave your hometown take 12 bucks and head to either the local deli - or market and get yourself some terrific food. The number 1 reason people cite for their fear of flying is the shitty food the airlines serve and the nutritional uselessness of the cafes which litter airports.

If you don't bring your own food you'll be powerless during flight. You'll eat when the flight crew feeds you. The schedule of passenger feed times is set by social psychologists who want your flight to seem enjoyable. This incorporates when you eat, when you drink, how much you're allow to drink (all centering around how busy the lines to the bathroom should be), when the movie's gonna play, when your attention is turned on and off - that your attention is piqued when you're being spoon feed legalese about what to do if the plane crashes for example, etc.

In short, those social psychologists are jerking us around so we experience the plane trip in a dictated manner, unbeknownst to most of us, entirely proscribed by assholes only concerned with giving us the sense of a good flight without out giving us much of anything.

All in all, it's not a liberating experience. Unless...unless we pack our own food. For if we pack our own food, we seize control of when we eat and when we go to the bathroom. Etc.

Doctors note poor eating makes people snappy, pissed off, irritable across the board, and less sexually desirable. I.E no sex on a plane unless you've packed a healthy travel meal.

The Resolve: Don't rely on the airplane to supply useful food on a reasonable schedule. Pack a meal and plenty of nutritious snacks.