Suspended Chords

Suspended chords don't need to resolve. Neither do non-chord tones. Reverse the subject and predicate, who cares. Spell all of the verbs wrong, forget to capitalize your name, that's fine, I do it myself. Don't tie your shoes wear your tee shirt inside out, pick your nose on public transportation and eat the boogies. Laugh.

Masturbate in a public place and get arrested, say you were trying to fuck the whole town, ask the cop to arrest you if he really thinks masturbating is wrong. Ask him if he doesn't do it himself. In public. Ask your teacher why you can't talk during class and talk over her when she's answering you. She'll probably get pissed but tell her to take it easy, "loosen up mrs.stiffness, it never killed anyone."

Ask the taxi cab driver to take the scenic route call the police chief a liar, call the news reporter a dwarf, even if he's not.

Call 911 and ask the operator out on a date, to go see some mindless hollywood drivel about action and death and when they say ok apologize and hang up. Call a girl you're interested in an ask her if she's a virgin, it's worth a shot.

Instead of ordering another drink from the bar ask someone to treat you to one, tell them it's your birthday, your twenty-first birthday, tell them you're married, tell them something, they're all dying to meet you, might as well say something. Try sticking it in an oak tree, I've never had much luck with this but you might, who knows? Ask the mail man if they'd like a nice glass of tea, and if they say yes, ask them if they take cream or milk and how many sugars would they like. Might as well give it a try; anything exciting is exciting.

Try not to get caught up with violent gangs, not because they're violent but because all of the pretty girls hang out with the jocks and the rich kids so try your hardest to get into one of these groups; for the women, for the sex, for all of the women and sex and somehow the drugs are always free in these groups and they always have parties at expensive ranch houses where you can take your love into some beautiful bedroom with a canopy bed and candle light, and various oils and toys stashed in the drawers.

Use these things if you get the chance, especially if you end up in one of these wonderful rooms I'm describing, use the oils and jellies and various other pornographies and try to give each other multiple orgasms and don't be afraid to make a mess. Make love with the toys and the candles burning, light incense and make sure all of the fires are out before you leave, and you do have to leave eventually, but take your time while you're there, and try not to try. Make sure not to rush and again, make sure all of the fires are out before you leave, no reason to make things more complicated than they -

Don't be pretentious but be ready for whatever comes your way, you might run into destiny. But you probably won't so be sure to be fun to be around. People like to be around you if you're fun to be around and also if you're rich and buy rounds at the bar, or if you're poor and buy the rounds, makes no difference, they'll like you if you buy the drinks.

Shower, but not too often, keep your nails trimmed but don't bite them. Apply for welfare, many people don't know this but when you're on welfare you don't have to work and the government buys the drinks. Try to sleep around as much as you can while you're young, it's easy to do if you try and you can always call them up 5 years later and have more sex, once you've done it once with a person you should do it together at least once every five years, keep this going until you die and you will die happy.